There Comes a Time

There comes a time in life when you just stop to care all that much. I don't mean you stop, slow down and take a moment to care. What I mean is you stop caring. Just like that. When the way you wear your hair doesn't matter all that much, nor do the tales that the mirror echos.
There comes a time in life, when life just gets simple. I don't know how it happens and I don't know when. But it does. For some of us.
I just saw someone I used to know in school's Facebook profile. She was my senior there, and boy was she one of the hotties, and I see her today, she's a mom now.. and I noticed then how she seems to be floating on a comfortable pink cloud of bliss in just that time where none of the things that glimmer matter. In that stage in life, when beauty really seems to lie in the eye of the beholder. And I wish her a lifetime of that.

That seems like a nice place to be in. I suppose. But it's all a little too comfortable for me. I think I'd defeat the purpose of experiencing such bliss by living in constant fear of something not being right. I can picture myself sitting in the waayyy corner of my purple cloud of comfort, biting my nails incessantly looking around with bulging eyes like  Wile E Coyote. I would be too stressed by the comfort. Too unsure to enjoy it and too damn edgy to even know I'm supposed to be feeling it.

See I'm used to things going bad, and now I see the pattern and I find a certain sense of surety, if not comfort with this pattern in my life. So when there is a quiet, I don't let myself be fooled into calm, no sirree, but I take that quiet time to tense up my muscles and keep the adrenalin pumping in case of attack.

I can't help it, I'm just that way.

I may have been a gladiator in the past.. or maybe just a night guard outside the king's castle, which perhaps answers my edginess and paranoia.. see because guards have to ASSUME that trouble lingers. There entire profession would be non existent if it wasn't for the trouble and its evil evil lingering around, so imagine me, an old guard in the something hundreds, skinny to the bones, standing in the cold dark night, beside the icy gates of my king's palace, breathing out mist and sitting or rather standing at the edge of my toes with a measly old spear in hand.... Pathetic.

So It's not my fault really. I know of life's naughty little games and I know how she loves to tease. And while there may have been many occasions when her cuddling and tickling my chin in fondness have fooled me into momentary bliss; but I have learnt my lessons and life can throw all the comforts she wants at me, but the old skinny bones night castle guard in me is never going to be at ease.

But of course, it would be nice to know that my Purple Cloud of comfort is nearing. So holler out to me if you ever see it coming and I'm too blind to, just so I can nod and go "Hurray!" and rush to gather all artillery and read up on my history to see how to combat that age old war tactic life seems to love to use one me- The Element of Surprise.