On Trust.

Sure, it's easy not to trust anyone. That principle has worked for me just fine over the years. But what now, when I don't know, if that one thing beating in me so strong, the one thing that is really all I have, what when this silly little heart of mine, can't be trusted anymore?

What if, I shouldn't be counting on its honesty anymore. What if, this little heart of mine needs a pair of glasses, its vision is blurred, and so it can't be trusted. How do I get past that?



What if, the one time this heart wrenches at my guts, yanking at them from within, all day long, telling me and every inch of me that my logic is wrong, the signs are wrong, and that for once, it's willing to bet the relationship we've built over the years, just so I believe in it, what if this one time, when my heart cries out to be trusted, I really shouldn't.


What if I give up. Close all doors for conversation between this heart and me. Because all functions are now impaired. My heart wont relent,  and logic and reason say they don't have to prove to me of their accuracy. So what if I give up on this heart, fall back on logic, fall back on facts, and draw my conclusion, never to trust this heart again. Because the turmoil is a bit much for my kind.

What if I "let the cold inside", and close all means of contact.

I was told, not to let being around people become a habit, yesterday. So what if I let the cold seep in.. all over again. I let logic and reason and facts take over.

So what if, I douse this fire, tell the heart to shut up. And so what if the heart is sure? Logic subtly tells me to move on. And in its subtlety, I see conviction. So while the heart screams in desperation to be followed, and to be believed just this one last subliminal time, Logic calmly nods in disapproval, spreads its arms around, and tells me to go through, just once more if I will, all the facts neatly laid in front of me.

It's hard not to take that seriously. And so I will.

And so this is goodbye,
****
Dear Heart,


I know you think differently, I know you believe with all your million beatings that you've never been more right. But the things I see, that you don't from inside, tell me a different story. And though I wish what you felt was true, I think it's time, that you left. Because really, I don't know if I can ever trust you again. 


And so this is goodbye. 

Yours Truly.
****
To Logic, Reason and Facts,


I've never liked you, that's probably why I've taken a beating for most of my life. So come on in, welcome. I have a strange feeling life is going to be much better with all your calculations and deductions. 


Thanks for trying to get through to me, this one last time. 


Here's to the three of you,
Cheers.